Last Sunday I was at TriNoma Mall doing a demonstration of group exercise programs from Fitness First. I shadowed the warm-up to BodyJam 42, presented the standing strength of BodyBalance 38, and shadowed the Oldskool block from BodyJam 41. We were performing in front of the membership recruitment booth on the ground floor, and it wouldn’t have been anything out of the ordinary if our impromptu audience hadn’t started whipping out their camera phones, still cameras, and videocams (!!!) and started visually recording what we were doing.

I found myself feeding off the attention and actually loving it. It’s a huge contrast from last year. I think I’ve really grown in that aspect. Here’s the evidence.

• June, after starting to attend dance classes: If there’s one thing I don’t want to do in a dance class, it’s to draw attention to myself. When that happens, thoughts start coming into my head, like “Am I trying too hard? Do I look like I’m from the Pretty Fly (for a White Guy) video?”
• July, thinking that I was destined for a life behind-the-scenes: I’m just going to come out and say this: I have terrible stage fright. There’s just something about the way all those eyeballs are focused on me when I’m up on stage that turns me into a deer in headlights — frozen still as a statue as the 10-wheeler of shame bears down on me.
• August, after attending BodyJam classes for three months: I was really surprised and flattered when she gave me this piece of advice (this is not a direct quote). “Everyone was watching you… You only looked up whenever I called your name. You know the last time, when I said you were dancing in your own little world… You have to look up! The audience can’t see you project.”
• September, after auditioning for the Nike Rockstar Bollywood competition: After the cool-down, one of the judges announced the three members who would represent Ortigas. The first number she called was mine! I felt like I’d won Miss Universe (and I probably had the same mock-surprise facial expression, haha).
• October, after competing at the Nike Rockstar event: And then we went out on stage. To my surprise we did better than I expected, and I was glad we didn’t prove to be embarrassments to our branch. After all, we were chosen as the team because we were supposedly the best they had to offer.
• February, after auditioning for BodyBalance instructor training: Admittedly I’m a gym rat but I’m more of the sweat-my-way-to-fitness kind, which is why I was totally surprised when Mother Fhe (so called because she’s the “mother hen” of most group exercise instructors at Fitness First Philippines) told me to audition for BodyBalance.
• March, after participating in another Nike Rockstar competition: It was a nice way to spend a few days living a different routine from home-work-home. I’ll end this entry with a video of our performance of which I’m very, very proud.
• March, after BodyBalance instructor training: I’m sitting here typing this smiling inside with a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. You might ask why, since it’s so early in the morning. Well, for the first time, I team-taught a BodyBalance class this morning at Fitness First ABS-CBN… I really do enjoy this and I hope I excel at this new endeavor. I may be an instructor of a group exercise program that’s supposed to leave you calm and centered, but I am definitely buzzed about it!
• July, after my first trip with Living Asia Channel: I’d never been on a working trip before, so everything was new to me: being on cam not for a family video but for a real show, traveling insane distances in bumpy circumstances just to get a shot of a required location, sleeping in a different place every night and at some point not having a shower to come home to… But it was so much fun!

The Noelle of last year would never have thought she’d be doing what I’m doing now: being in front of people, hosting or presenting or performing or anything of that sort. Sure, she may have dreamed of being in front of cameras but she wouldn’t have thought she’d have the guts to do anything there aside from quivering and shaking and making a fool of herself.

I have no idea where this boldness will take me, but I’m sure God has a great plan for my life which didn’t involve the timidity I used to suffer from. Right now, I’m just happy to say goodbye to my deer-in-headlights look. Ü

Tags: Performing, Overcoming Stage Fright

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