I forgot to text you, but were you on some dating show on the radio last week? — a friend’s text message

Yes, embarrassingly so. Ü It was the premiere episode of “Dateless and Desperate” on RX 93.1’s All Access from 3 to 6pm on Fridays. I don’t know what possessed me to agree to call in and join it, but in doing so I became the first searcher for the segment, which Rico and Gelli had resurrected. (Useless piece of trivia: one of my old high school batchmates Georgina was also a searcher on the show back when Jude Rocha used to host the afternoon block.) Little did I think that it’d have so much entertainment potential. At least, for me.

I wasn’t looking for a date that Friday, actually, but I thought it’d be interesting to get my voice on the radio. To get people to call in, Gelli asked me to give out my Friendster profile information so people could search for me; within minutes, my Friendster profile began receiving hits from people all over the Philippines, and I was getting friend requests and messages from people I didn’t know (naturally).

And then when the searchees started calling in, oh Lordy! With no face to put to the voices, naturally all we had to judge them was on what they said — and how they said it. I was on an instant messenger service chatting with someone and we just couldn’t help ourselves, being the Mean Girls we are.

On Searchee #1 (sa Fil-Chinese guy from Florida spending three months in Manila):
Noelle: ayoko dito
Louise: fake accent
Louise: poser
Louise: yak
Noelle: call center agent!
Louise: talaga!
Louise: he just woke up!
Noelle: he just woke up pa nga!
Louise: agent nga nga nga!
Noelle: ahahahhahaah night shifT!!!!!11111lolololol

I don’t have a problem with call center agents and the accents they learn because it’s part of a very decent job, but I do have problems when I think people are claiming to be what they’re not. Particularly when you can’t decide whether your accent is Californian or Texan.

On Searchee #2 (a magazine editor working in Ortigas):
Louise: not this one, dude
Noelle: of course not!
Louise: magazine editor?
Louise: that’s a tragedy
Noelle: he’s better at writing than speaking and listening
Noelle: defecultes in layf [difficulties in life]
Louise: shyemay
Noelle: bye bye searchee #2

OK, so I’m picky with accents. Sue me.

On Searchee #3 (works for a corporation in Ortigas):
Louise: oh noes
Louise: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Noelle: hehehehehhe
Noelle: oh oh oh
Louise: bor happing [bar hopping]
Noelle: hahahahah
Louise: what’s that?
Noelle: cheeell [chill]
Louise: barok
Noelle: mosti en eeestwud [mostly in Eastwood]
Louise: paano yan, ate?
Louise: kadiri all three
Noelle: he dated a commercial model daw.
Louise: pf syndrome!
Noelle: fatay tayo dito
Noelle: I would prefer to pack in my chest?!
Louise: lutong ng vowels.
Noelle: weT?
Louise: what the?!?
Noelle: sabi nya “wet?” for “what”
Louise: fibe
Noelle: sheeeeet
Louise: cober voi [cover boy]

Hopeless, right? So when Gelli asked me which one I’d pick, I said, “Do I really have to choose? *sob*”

So I picked the one with the accent I think is fake. Maybe he’s NOT a faker or whatever. We’re supposed to talk between the two of us and set a date. I told him I was busy over the weekend. I don’t know if he’s going to call me again, and the truth is I don’t really care. I’m not desperate. Ü

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