Sabas De Guzman, Jr.
March 22, 1920 – October 6, 2006

I know it was a long and painful road, but yesterday you reached the end of your journey here on Earth and God took you Home. Now, eternity begins for you. I love you, Lolo, and I will miss you.

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I’m taking a few minutes out of a somewhat busy morning to write. There’s something positive to be said about having a full schedule the whole day. My last thoughts at night are about how much I’ve accomplished during the day, and I feel like I’ve actually been useful. It’s just that right now I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day or more than seven days in a week. I find myself frustrated that I sit at my desk nine hours a day and I never seem to be able to finish a project without new ones piling on top of it. I do get things done, but my work as a whole is never done.

I also never realized how much I love having a lot of free time until I had almost all of it taken from me. I work from 9am to 7pm Mondays to Thursdays, 9am to 6pm on Fridays, and 9am to 1pm on Saturdays. There’s hardly any time left over to spend with the people I love and care about. And then this week I have dance rehearsals every evening. I’ve only seen my parents and sister when we’re half-awake: in the early mornings at breakfast, and late at night when I get home and they’re all ready for bed.

Dance rehearsals for the Nike Rockstar Workout Bollywood Tour have also been a mixed bag; I think our “tribe” (group) has developed good rapport, but I also feel like we’re not maximizing the time we have (usually an hour) to polish the main routine. I’ve been told I take the Bollywood routine too seriously, but hey, 100,000 pesos worth of Nike products is serious business! Ü Anyway, I still do enjoy myself and that’s the important thing, but I wish we could do better. There are only three days left to put everything together and I’m getting a bit worried we won’t be able to get it done.

And I’m out of time. Back to work.

Tags: Time Management, Work

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Green Day says, “wake me up when September ends.” I say, “I’ll sleep in October.” That’s because the Nike Rockstar Workout Bollywood program officially ends its run in Fitness First gyms on October 7 with a huge culminating competition at the newest FF club in SM North EDSA — and I’m going to be representing the Ortigas club!

Back in July I wrote about the launch of the program, and since then I’ve been faithfully attending classes under various instructors. Two weeks ago I got to talk with FF Ortigas’ Group X coordinator, who’s my favorite BodyCombat instructor, too. She asked me if I was interested in auditioning to be part of the Ortigas “tribe” of three club members led by one instructor. I initially said yes, then hesitated when I realized that my Saturday work hours would hinder me from attending the final. Then last Friday I was given an option to work longer hours on weekdays so that Saturdays I could work half-days. My schedule was suddenly open.

So, last night I attended the audition. There was a panel of judges from the Nike Rockstar program, one of whom was also a judge from the BodyJam auditions two weeks ago. The audition commenced like a regular Rockstar class, but at the end we auditionees were asked to take our places in front for the dance performance. I think I gave it all I got, although at one point I got distracted by the photographer whose lens was about three feet away from my face. The doubt started to creep in: was I good enough?

After the cool-down, one of the judges announced the three members who would represent Ortigas. The first number she called was mine! I felt like I’d won Miss Universe (and I probably had the same mock-surprise facial expression, haha). We club winners were each given a Nike gift certificate worth 5,000 pesos, redeemable at the Nike Forum store in Greenbelt 3.

I’m still waiting for our lead instructor to contact us about rehearsal times, but this is the last week of September and we’ll only have this week and next week to get together. I wish we had more time to perfect the routine as a group. As they say, “Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. And when you’re done, rehearse some more!”

UPDATE: On the USA Nike Women website, this workout is known as the “Far East Funk Workout.” There are downloadable clips of all the moves in Quicktime, PSP, or iPod formats. I’ve saved them to my computer even though by now I know the moves by heart. It always pays to be over-prepared. Ü

Tags: Nike Rockstar Workout Bollywood, Fitness First Philippines

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OK, technically it’s not my first day today. That was yesterday, and I was in a funk because I was totally lost — I didn’t know my duties and had only just found out how heavy the work hours are (I have to work full days on Saturdays for six months).

Today was the first day of the rest of my time at this job, though. (Yeah, I’m just looking for an excuse to use the title.) Also, today was the first time I punched in using my time card. And today was much better for me because I discovered some of the perks of working at this job.

Basically most people (including me) just can’t help being a little starstruck when coming into the orbit of celebrities. There’s a reason they became celebrities in the first place: they have a certain gravitational pull, an X-factor, a je ne sais quoi. Yesterday I was dressed down, as fitting the attire of most of the people I saw on my interview day last Wednesday. And then I was introduced to one of the major young stars these days. Let me just tell you, I felt like I looked like a Russ Troll standing in front of her. I mean, she’s pretty enough in her billboards along EDSA, or on TV on her recently concluded teleserye, but she’s a china doll in person: perfect, fragile, and — yeah I still can’t get over feeling like a troll. Ü

So anyway, shortly before I was supposed to get off work yesterday I was tasked to get a short quote from some of our artists. Today I went to see one of them before she taped a religious program at the Music Museum. Again I was bowled over by her beauty; at least this time around, I was better dressed. When I got back to the office I got a statement from one of my favorite comediennes, and she just has this winsome personality which I think is why she’s effective at making audiences laugh and sympathize with her.

I have about an hour and thirty minutes before I get off from work; the day seems to have gone by so quickly. I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow.

Tags: Career, Philippine Entertainment

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Next phase, next stage, next grade, next wave… — “Generation Next” by the Spice Girls

I think I’ve been mysterious enough about a certain upcoming event (although I couldn’t resist spilling to Adam a few days before this scheduled update). It’s time for the big reveal. Drumroll, please!

Ladies and gentlemen, readers, people who’ve just stumbled in: I have a job! After months of being just slightly emo about being a bum, God has seen fit to bless me with a job at a company whose principles I agree with. It’s an entertainment and management company whose mission statement is “To utilize God-given gifts and resources to discover, develop and manage talents and ventures in the entertainment business for God’s glory.”

I waited until tonight to write this particular update because yesterday I also did something that might have had an impact on the content of my job news. See, several of my BodyJam instructors invited me to audition to enter instructor training. Yes, me. Whodathunk?

The audition was yesterday, and to make a long story short, I didn’t make it. BUT! Out of almost 60 auditionees, the judges were supposed to choose 18 candidates for training. They called 16 candidates by number, then for the last two slots (actually it was only supposed to be one) called five people to dance for it. I couldn’t believe it when they called my number (my favorite number, 4). I was one of the five. Well anyway, we five were told that even if we weren’t picked to be part of the 18, we would still “play an important role.” Sounds like something out of a beauty pageant, but we were effectively the first runner-up; in case any of the 18 would be unable to fulfill their duties as Miss Universe complete their training, one of us could be called to take that place.

I feel like I did my best, considering I had a weeping wound on each of my foot arches (I wore bad shoes on Friday) and that it was my first audition. I think the judges chose the best possible candidates (and I don’t think there’s a chance that any of them will pass up the chance for training), and I hope to enjoy the BodyJam classes they will lead within a few months. And anyway, there’s always next audition.

Right now, I want to focus on making the best possible start to my new job. Ü I start tomorrow.

Tags: Career

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I want a pic of your shoe cabinet, to prove to my friends that you dont have the “Imelda” syndrome. — a comment on my Livejournal

My shoe collection may not be of Imeldific proportions, but I can’t deny the fact that I love shoes. Shoes are the most forgiving items of any wardrobe; no matter how much I weigh or what shape I’m in, they always fit me exactly the same way. Give a woman a pair of shoes she loves and she will strut around in them with confidence, and any sane woman can tell you that carrying oneself with confidence is a vital element of being well-dressed.

Every time I wear a pair of shoes out, I make sure whatever I replace them with I will definitely use. Yes, they do have to look good, but my comfort wearing them is more important. My mom is a frequent shoe shopper but more often than not, she discovers they pinch in the wrong places or they leave her fatigued trying to keep them from slipping off. She ends up not using one out of every two pairs she buys. I think I’ve learned from her mistakes, and so whenever I go shoe shopping, I take my damn time. More often than not, I end up finding the shoe I really want and at a bargain price, too.

I spent the latter part of last Thursday just roaming Robinsons Galleria looking at athletic shoes. My parents bought me crosstrainers for Christmas, but they only lasted me until June when the mesh upper started to split from the sole at the instep due to frequent use. I could still wear them to the gym, but lately they’d started looking gnarly, ill-used, and skanky (!!!). I decided it was high time for a new pair.

For the past few years I’ve headed to Fila for my sneakers since their stores always offer a 50% discount on all shoes. However, my need for new shoes came at an opportune time; the seasons are a-changing from Spring/Summer to Autumn/Winter. Other shoe stores are trying to get rid of old stock, broken sizes, and display pieces, and there were plenty of discounted items for the picking.

I didn’t quite care that I visited every athletic shoe shop in the mall twice. I actually welcomed the prospect of walking around several hours that afternoon, since you’re always supposed to buy shoes later in the day when your feet have expanded to their true size. (You can actually go up a half-size in the course of a day.) I finally settled on a pair of Lady Air Achieves at 40% off from the Nike Forum store on the ground floor. Originally I didn’t even think that I could get the shoe; I had asked for a size 8 1/2 since that’s my usual size, and they told me they only had sizes until 7 1/2. Disappointed, I tried on a slightly more pricey pair that had a size 8 1/2 and realized that the shoe was too big. I kept going down sizes: I asked for the 8, then the 7 1/2. And then I thought, “Well, what if I ask for the first shoe in the size 7 1/2?” It fit, to my amazement and delight. Even better, it was the last pair in that size; it was like they were just waiting for me to come along.

I really do get a kick out of shoe shopping. Ü

Tags: Nike, Shoes, Shopping

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I’m taking a week’s hiatus to entertain some house guests. Just so you know, I haven’t disappeared off the face of the earth. Ü

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The more guys I turn down (let’s see, the most recent one makes it three and counting), the more I realize there ain’t no painless way of rebuffing their advances.

The funny thing: all the guys I turned down turned to listening to music to ease their heartaches. As in, the next time I saw them after our heart-to-heart talks, they all had earphones jammed into their ears and the music turned way up. The first guy used a free radio transceiver from Jollibee. The second guy used a Walkman he paid for. The third guy? An iPod Nano. (Hmm… I’m moving up in the world?)

The “makes-you-think” thing: It’s easy to say it’s his problem and not mine that he had to come out and reveal his feelings toward me. Still, I have to deal with feelings of guilt due to the following questions:

1. Did I in any way lead him on?
2. Did I assure him he still has my friendship? (assuming he treated me respectfully)
3. How friendly should I be to make him aware that my interest in him is entirely platonic?

To be honest I don’t think I can wash my hands of wrongdoing, as I tend to let a guy get too close before I realize something’s not quite right with the “friendship.” Well, actually, there are warning signs but I am so naive that I blithely carry along like I can convince him just to remain my friend so that I don’t have to face the day he offers his heart to me on a platter. It just doesn’t work. I wonder if these guys think I’m a man-eater, like that Nelly Furtado song.

She’s a man-eater
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cards
Make you fall real hard in love
She’s a man-eater
Make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She’s a man-eater
Wish you never ever met her at all!

The sucky thing: when I ultimately turn him (whichever guy) down and away from that particular path to my heart, he ends up resenting me. In turn, I end up avoiding him so that I don’t cause him pain by seeing me. The cycle of grief reinforces itself as he starts thinking I don’t want to be around him because I don’t like him at all (not even as a friend).

I just don’t want to keep repeating this cycle, but what can I do? I just am not interested in that kind of relationship at this point.

Tags: Busted, Man-Eater, Relationships

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I’ve been thinking about my college years and what I learned during my time there, inside or outside the classroom. My Natural Science I (Physics) professor introduced the concept of spacetime and told my class that Earth’s motion seen in spacetime was a spiral rather than an ellipse (each moment has a unique place in space and time, thus never quite duplicated). According to the theory of general relativity, Earth travels around the Sun because the Sun’s mass curves spacetime around it, making other bodies move within this curvature. The greater the mass of an object, the more curved spacetime around it becomes. Just as objects travel the straightest lines possible within curved spacetime (i.e., a spiral), could it be possible that our lives also progress in a spiral?

In our lives, we revolve around what bears the most importance to us (e.g., family, career, money, God), but we do not remain at a standstill. Each event in life is a unique combination of past experience and present time.

I’m at a point in my life where recent situations have begun to echo past experiences. Let me be a little less vague about the “recent situations.” People I met seven years ago (yup, in my college days) have resurfaced: former orgmates, classmates, and blockmates; a rebuffed suitor; and some friends from film screenings I used to attend in the university. At the same time, these days I’m experiencing general feelings of wanting independence from my parents and I’ve had to rebuff another suitor: these were things that happened seven years ago as well. If you’re like me and you believe there’s a purpose to why things happen, then you (I mean, I) have got to start asking, “What should I be doing differently this time around?”

That question is important, especially since this time around I’m no longer a sixteen-year-old in her second year of college. I told Adam last week, “You ever feel like you’re at a certain point where one decision could determine how the rest of your life goes?” He said some wise words: “Enjoy it; it’s a good time to be in. Just remember, whatever you do decide, don’t lose sight of who you are.”

“Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” — George Santayana

Tags: Introspection

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